Which Derided Subgenre Are You Based On Your Astrological Sign?


Do people you meet at bars ask you what your Astrological sign is? Does it make you wonder if you’re in 1973, or if the stranger who asked is going to move away from your table pretty soon so you can put your headphones back on? Are you confused? Western Astrology is as popular now as it has been since the flower era, and not without good reason. Understanding astrology can give an individual a greater grasp on your relationships, history, and most importantly, yourself. Astrology and music go hand in hand, and just like astrology, the ins and outs of various, over-specific music subcultures is something that might (or might absolutely not) help you live a better life! The following is a list of the sun signs, and what super duper specific musical cul-de-sac they most resemble.

ARIES


The heaviness and strength of the Aries, both aggressive and put-together can be found in the mathy, new-school metal subset known as Djent. Bands like Periphery and Polyphia lay a foundation of high technicality and intense emotion. No matter how annoying it gets, it’s hard not to like it, and even harder to lose respect for it. Just like an Aries.

TAURUS


A Taureans’ ideal world incorporates two things: texture and structure. Those can take the form of domestic relationships, great food, and rich surroundings. Texture are also the two elements of good Doom Folk. Music like Wovenhand, and early Chelsea Wolfe. It runs deeply and slowly, marinating in intense emotions, always staying rooted into the earth. It’s also the easiest music on this list to make around a campfire, so Taureans don’t even have to leave their backyard.

GEMINI


PC Music began as a London based label that put out electronic music that was sugary, talkative and fun on the outside, but was derived from more important, and bigger ideas like recontextualization, reclamation, and lots of referential material. Just like a Gemini, who seems bubbly on the outside, but on the inside holds reference to a swarm of cultural isms and in-jokes, knowing more about people and their connections than you could guess from the surface.

CANCER


Every cancer cliche talks about how much they cry. Realistically, Cancers deal with a multi-faceted emotional landscape that often uses emotional realities as absolutes more than absolute things as absolutes. That’s the world set up by lots of the music that made up the later 2010’s Emo Revival. The sounds of bands like Touche Amore and Pity Sex provide those feelings, that darkness, and those movements of effects pedal-drenched hope.

LEO


When a Leo walks into a room, you know a Leo just walked into, and the Leo wants you to know they just walked into a room. The Leo is the ultimate curator, with a lazer eye for aesthetics and a strong sense of self. A Leo demands music that says ‘Look at me, see how great I look?’ There is no better music for that than French House. The genre is defined by the electric zing of house music mashed together with the color and sweaty swank of disco that originated in French clubs around the turn of the Century.

VIRGO


Virgo is many things, and Virgociousness is one of the hardest qualities to nail down in the Zodiac. They are most often stereotyped into one homogenous wavelength That’s why Virgo is Noise Rap. Listening to projects like dalek, clipping. And most infamously, Death Grips. Listening to the sonic frequencies is just like like listening to a Virgos internal monologue; where the fuck is the structure? There it is for a second! But then it falls to pieces and descends into chaos and some man is screaming 15 words per second in your ear and you’re getting very overstimulated! Why are you listening to this? Why can’t you just turn it off? If you see a Virgo, they probably need a hug.

LIBRA


We all know a lot of Libras. They’re everywhere. You throw a rock you hit a Libra. In the same way you can’t look at anything on the internet for three minutes without seeing some kind of trickle down from the internet phenom known as Vaporwave. And why shouldn’t you? It’s easy to listen to, it’s relaxing, it’s like the best friend you never had. You can’t hate a Libra, even if they do make everyone happy.

(Unrelated, but did you get around to listening to Ryan Adams cover of Taylor Swift’s entire 1995 record? That’s some Libra shit, right there.)

SCORPIO


There was a music genre that was built to go all the way with as many types of extremeness as possible, and it was named Pornogrind. What started as an offshoot of extreme metal subset Grindcore became its own mutant baby-headed hatechild that made all the worst decisions possible at any given time. Also, the only lyrical themes that exist within the genre are sex and violence. Need I say more? Scorpionic vibes can also be found in other aggressive, futuristic and sexual music, like Industrial, dark ambient, and basically anything with a black and white minimalist album cover and an unpronounceable european name on the cover.

SAGGITARIUS